I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
