So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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