True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
