You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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