Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have fence marks all over my body
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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