Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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