I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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