Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just cropdusted the office
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
