four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
