There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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