my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need a beard to bite.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
