I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize