Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
