I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
