Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
