I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
