i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
