We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
