YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
id be glad to
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
