There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
