I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
