i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
