We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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