There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
