Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
