The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
