no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
