Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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