is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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