I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
