Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
