WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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