How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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