She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Me too!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize