My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
