The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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