Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize