I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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