we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
