my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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