Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
