It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
