Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
