it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
