So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
