I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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