Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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