She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
