There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
