i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
