my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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