you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
