The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
where are you?
Hypothermia
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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