I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I didn't shave. On purpose
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
