I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize