it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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