Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
