1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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