So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
