He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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