I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
