oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize