Will you blow on my dice?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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