On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Small penises have feelings too.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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