At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
