he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
