Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
