I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
this hospital has no fireball
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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