All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
