You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
