just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
pray to the hookup gods
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
