i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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