she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
