but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
