No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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