i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the day after is always just damage control
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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