i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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