I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
