just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
