Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
