"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
