Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
