It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
