There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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