im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
