i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
