i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize