stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
