Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
