So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
