Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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