Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
