my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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