so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
