K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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