Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
