o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
