Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
