BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
